Text of Confidential Letter from Bush to Obama
By bigbrother ~ January 21st, 2009. Filed under: Nice Bush!.
In keeping with tradition, Ex-President Bush (nice to see those two little letters in front of his title isn’t it?) left a confidential letter for the new president in the top drawer of the desk in the oval office. We usually do not know what is written in this letter until it goes into the new president’s library at the end of his term, but Big Brother was able to get a faxed copy from a source that shall remain nameless(Jill Biden?). Transcribed for you below:
Dear Mr. President,
First off, sorry about the way I left the office, the spurs on my cowboy boots scuffed the heck out of the rug beneath the desk, but maybe you can use some of that half-trillion in stimulus money I left you and spruce the place up a bit. Ha-Ha!
I know I have not left the country in much better shape, but at least we have not had a terrorist attack in over seven years. I am proudest of that and confident that will be my legacy when historians rack up the awesome points of my presidency when we are both dead and gone. I pray that you will be able to continue my awesome legacy.
Congratulations on your popularity, evildoers had to attack our three biggest buildings before I was that popular. Just know this is as popular as you’ll ever be, because once you try and go out and fix things, like going after said evildoers, you’re going to make a lot of people real mad real fast. So enjoy it while it lasts.
Even though, you and I come from different parties and ideologies, hopefully when you are done we can be friends. Kind of like how my dad and Bill Clinton are best pals now. Really, I mean it. Let me know if there is any help I can be during your presidency. Maybe, I can help if there is a tsunami or something again like Dad and Bill did during that deal over in Thailand. Though I don’t really like leaving the country and no one really seems to thrilled to see me over there anyway. Maybe the next time a hurricane hits Texas I can help them out. Believe me, when something like that happens you got to do something quick or people get real mad and some idiot rapper calls you a racist on T.V..Though those people will probably cut you some slack. Ha-Ha!
I know you and your family will love living in the White House. Movie studios send over their new movies and you can watch them for free before anyone else. Iron Man was awesome! I’d like to think that I inspired Robert Downey Jr. to clean himself up. I hear your mother-in-law is moving in with you. Tough break. My wife’s mom used to always give me crap about being an unreliable no-good drunk, but I sure showed her. They don’t let bums become managing owner of a baseball team, Texas Governor, and then President of the U.S..
Some presidents say it’s tough to sleep in the White House with how the job weighs on you. I never had a problem. I always fell asleep at ten sharp and slept through the night until 8 a.m.. Those other guys must not have been built of the same right stuff I am. Also, you don’t have sleepless nights when you know you’re right. I hope you sleep well and I’m sure you’ll do just fine.
And make sure you get lots of rest. Camp David is cool. Maybe get yourself a ranch and go out there sometimes, chop down some woods. No one really seemed to notice when I was gone so don’t worry about talking off early on Friday afternoon or taking a long vacation, but If New Orleans floods again, you better get back to Washington ASAP or someone will say you’re sleeping on the job.
Your Partner in History,
[signed]
George W. Bush
43rd President of the United States of America
P.S. don’t let Joe Biden try to boss you around too much, remember you’re the president! Ha-Ha!
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